Goals of Emotional Regulation include: naming and understanding our own emotions, decrease the frequency of unpleasant emotions, decrease our vulnerability to emotions, and decrease emotional suffering. They communicate information to us about our environment and our experience. It may feel that way sometimes, but emotions are there for a reason.Ĭonsider other myths like “emotions make you weak,” “I’m not supposed to feel this way,” or “only good feelings are okay. Emotional Regulation Skills Emotions are helpful and important. It’s important to challenge those myths before they interfere with your emotion regulation.įor example, a common emotion myth is that “emotions are really stupid.” Children need to be regulated to learn social norms and develop empathy. It is noticing one’s own present experience. Emotional regulation skills are necessary for: Positive peer relations Ability to learn Positive self-concept Personal safety Positive peer relationships Developing social skills for kids is one of the most important childhood milestones. There are a lot of myths about emotions floating around out there. Mindfulness The first emotional regulation skill is mindfulness. For example, you may feel shame about lashing out in anger. Berking, M., Margraf, M., Ebert, D., Wupperman, P., Hofmann, S. Psychotherapy and Psychosomatics, 82 (4), 234245. It is common to feel shame in response to the primary emotion or the behaviors you used in response to the primary emotion. Emotion regulation skills training enhances the efficacy of inpatient cognitive behavioral therapy for major depressive disorder: A randomized controlled trial. Look for shame in particular as a secondary emotion. A person can get angry for being angry, or depressed for being depressed. In these two cases, anger and depression are both the primary and the secondary emotions. Sometimes the secondary emotion can be the same as the first. In order to manage the emotion, you have to get to the root of the problem, meaning the primary emotion. It’s really important to be able to tell which emotions are the primary emotions and which are the secondary emotions. Anger is the primary emotion, and shame is the secondary emotion. The secondary emotion is the one that follows the primary or first emotion, for example, feeling shame because you got angry. There are primary and secondary emotions.
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